Channel 4's Popworld booked the croquet lawns of Parsons Green as backdrop for an interview with American rap artist, Shifty. However, when Shifty failed to appear, presenter Simon Amstell interviewed PG croquet player Anne Robillard instead. Anne, who is used to showbiz from her days at London Weekend Television, proved great interview material. Near the end of the program Simon mentions how happy he is that Shify never turned up. Next week for the benefit of the cameras Shifty re-enacted his fruitless search for a chauffeur to take him from the Hyde Park Hilton to Parsons Green. Stuck in his hotel room, Shifty's frustration over the telephone is intercut with Simon and Anne's interview. The result was broadcast on Channel 4 in August 2004 as a 3 minute slot in Saturday morning's Popword. It should be noted that Anne Robillard's real age is nowhere near the gross over-estimate (74) given in the program.

Simon: Welcome back indeed. [indicates co-presenter] Anna Matronic of the Scissor Sisters! - quite a booking, I think you'll agree, as guest presenter.

Matronic: Are we ready to hit the road, Simon?

Simon: Shall we do that? Shall we shall we just do that? ... But now an interesting story - we went to a croquet place to interview Shifty.

Matronic: I love croquet.

Simon: Well that's the sort of thing we do - I will do something interesting with the pop star, Shifty. But he's not there!

Matronic: Whaaat?

Simon: So I think "fine", it's alright, it's fine, whatever's happened I don't know but he's not turned up. I'll talk to the woman who runs the croquet place and that will be a nice interview. Next week he turns up. We've got the booking anyway. He agrees to do a recontruction of the situation from his perspective. This is the combination of those two things - him not turning up, then him turning up. It's all been edited together in a clever package.

["THE DAY SIMON WENT TO PLAY CROQUET WITH SHIFTY"]

Simon: So, Anne, thank you for letting us use your croquet... field.

Anne: Pleasure.

Simon: Are you exited about Shifty coming?

Anne: I'm dying to see this Shifty - what a funny name.

Simon: He's a bit late.

[more whimsical instrumental music]

["RECONSTRUCTION"]

Shifty: [American accent] Hi, hello, this is Shifty. I'm with Maveric Warner Bros, I'm supposed to be picked up by one of your cars. It was supposed to be, like, a half an hour ago. … Well have them call my room when they get there, alright. Thanks.

Anne: It wouldn't surpise me if he didn't turn up.

Simon: Forget croquet, what do you want to talk about?

Anne: I'm waiting for Shifty... What a funny name!

Simon: [laugher]

[rap music]

Simon: Look at that - d'you like that action?

Anne: That's good.

[clip of Shifty's video, intercut with croquet strokes and planes flying over Parsons Green.]

[zoom onto clock in Shifty's hotel room, which displays 2:20pm]

Shifty: What happened to the driver? So should I just not… I've been sitting here for hours.

[whimsical instrumental music]

Simon: I don't think Shifty's coming, you know.

Shifty: Can you go and find Simon for me? What do you… what do you mean? What do you mean, "he's shooting"?

Simon: I hear you're starting your own production company?

Anne: Yes I am.

Shifty: How is he doing the interview already? … I have to be there to do an interview.

Simon: Is that quite a challenge?

Anne: Yes.

Simon: And I guess you're going to make a lot of money from that, I presume.

Anne: I hope so.

Shifty: She's a 74 year old croquet teacher? [incredulous]

Simon: Are you hoping to create movies and that sort of thing?

Anne: One step at a time.

Simon: One step at a time...

Shifty: This is the most rediculous this I've ever heard in my life.

[clip of Shifty's video]

Simon: No, it wasn't.

[Shifty looks at the clock]

Simon: What's your favourite part of the video?

Shifty: What does she know about my video??

Anne: The bit with all the women.

Shifty: Well that's true.

[clip of Shifty's pop music video]

Simon: Tell me about your time as a graffiti artist when you were 50.

Anne: Graffiti artist? … I only done it a few times.

Shifty: Make sure she plugs the record. "Slide Along Side" comes out August the 30th.

Simon: [laugher]

Shifty: Do not put me on hold or you are fired!

Anne: What are you laughing at? [laughter]

Simon: I'm so glad he didn't turn up. [laughter]

Shifty: He put me on hold.

Simon: So that's what happened. Quite a beautiful story, huh?

Matronic: Quite shifty - living up to his name.

Simon & Matronic: Hey!